Liberal living does not fulfill your basic needs. Here are some tips from a walkaway from the liberal world on how to get out of that box and get towards what you truly need.
Contradictory undertows of emotion are a good indication that you are not living in line with your basic needs, these needs include commitment and loyalty from family and friends, and a strong vision for your family.
Liberal ideas as I experienced in the 1970’s and 80’s, growing up in Brookline Massachusetts, were probably common law, things that are legal and allowed, but not necessarily good for you.
The free mingling of boys and girls and men and women, sexual freedom, abortion rights, these are issues that perhaps laws can do noting about - outlaw abortion and society will produce illegal back alley abortions, I do not even know how you can outlaw free mingling and free sex, but if you could, it would happen anyway.
Boundaries between men and women, abstinence until marriage, faithfulness in marriage, and a pro life stance are areas that probably involve raised social awareness more than legal intervention.
Despite liberal mythologies concerning freedom and liberation, I witnessed strong emotional undertows expressed by people who had no voice to comprehend what was bothering them.
Sexual freedom was taking an emotional toll, but realizing that there may be some problems with free sexual activity would brand you as a bigot - as sexually repressed, judgmental, middle-class.
The emotional aftermath of abortion was supposed to be relief, after all, no baby, no yoke of responsibility, a woman should then have enhanced opportunities. It is coming out that womens’ emotional responses to abortion are much more serious and long term than ever anticipated.
It turned out that women engaged in free sex were actually involved in a serious contradiction: they were hoping that whatever relationship they found themselves in would turn into a long term commitment which involved loyalty and financial security.
That is a serious contradiction.
Men were expressing feeling trapped and wanting freedom, while women were pursuing and wanting more attention, and not being able to connect the following dots: if you present yourself as a girlfriend, as a date to have a fun time with, you are decidedly not fostering an attitude of commitment, responsibility, and security.
Womens’ hopes that their charm would make him love her, and switch from having a fun time at the movies and in bed to a loyal, kind and true partner, were dashed again and again.
Be aware of these social contradictions, and please heed that undertow of strong and surprising emotion.
Free fun dating and sex contradict loyalty and commitment.
You need to choose.
If you are hankering after loyalty, do not charm and entice, instead, send out the message of what you are looking for in a partner and in a philosophical or religious vision for your family. People will keep what you are looking for in mind and may find someone for you.
Should you have a chance meeting with a potential partner, keep the conversation almost business-like. “What are you looking for in marriage? Do you see raising kids in a religious home, if so, what religion, and what degree of religiosity? If not, do you see yourself as a spiritual person in a general sense, or more rational and scientific?”
I started connecting the dots when I met the fundamentalist Christians in college. They spoke a completely different language. They knew that when their mom met their dad on their first date, the two sat in a park and discussed their views of family and faith and thought about whether they would bring a harmonious message to their future children.
They did not go to a movie, they did not go to bed, they did not act one way in the hopes that a completely contradictory set of home-oriented values would just spring out from nowhere.
I was shocked.
The Christians at college were not charming. They did not have one veneer of behavior designed to charm and frankly entrap, and then later on demand loyalty and commitment.
Cheryl and Dave dated. They were both Pentecostal. Kim told me that she is a Baptist, they do not hold by the view that Pentecostals have about the Holy Spirit, and she was in a conflict at times with other Christians on this issue. But Cheryl, Dave and Kim related to each other with a deep respect that I really never saw among liberals. I debated Dave, he never let the conversation degrade, he always respected me.
And Kim would look for a Baptist like her.
If you have a vision for your life that includes strong family, you will not gain from liberals how to attain that, even those liberals who enjoy the security of a strong family have been robbed of their ability to voice what they have, they are overwhelmed with the propaganda of today regarding gender roles and freedoms.
Do not turn on the charm and fun and hope to entrap, then surprise your date with your need for commitment. Instead, be focused on your vision, tell people what you are looking for in a partner - then, it is likely to happen.
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A note on the contrast between how liberals treat others and how people of faith treat others:
Liberals are always right, and if they start losing an argument, they criticize you as a person. I saw something completely new - the Christians in college, and later the orthodox Jews, always respect you as a person even in heated debate.
Liberals don’t.
Liberals assert. They dominate, they are in it to win. Meryl Hoffman runs an abortion clinic in NYC and has become a multi-millionare doing so. She has stated that abortion is in fact stopping a beating heart, and as such is an act of power.
She said, “power”.
Power over a helpless fetus? That’s power?
Well, that’s liberal.
The so-called “women of the wall” hold provocateur style rallies at the holiest place in Judaism - the Western Wall of the Temple, may it be rebuilt speedily and in our days. They say the following: “the wall is not holy… we want to see and be seen… our offending the religious women will liberate them from centuries of oppression…..”
They really say that.
That’s liberal.
I was friends with Plonit in high school. She had a new boyfriend, she told me, “Ric and I bumped into my former boyfriend and his new girlfriend at a pub, my former boyfriend said he would like to see me, and his new girlfriend was upset…” and she chuckled at the scepter of being so wanted.
I vomited the following, “I could understand why she would be upset!” I was so appalled at her insensitivity. She just froze. She expressed no regret.
I started to realize - that’s liberal.
Another time, Plonit was also listening to Amy, who was laughing along with Ann that her boyfriend gets hurt when she sleeps with other women. They were chuckling. I was appalled.
Hurting others? That’s liberal.
Being liberal nowadays is not just asserting oneself over injustice, but over a helpless fetus, over religious sensitivities, over the very feelings of one’s boyfriend, over another woman feeling rejected.
It’s ok I guess if you are planning to always win.
But you better not have much of a conscience.
