Be there for the lost liberal

 We were the privileged and enlightened, and we were going to wage social revolutions - upon others, and not upon us.

Kids in Boston should be bussed, but that would be unthinkable for us Brookline kids. If asked why, we would not even be able to answer. We were blocked in a sense, and this came to a head a times, but as we had no intellectual tools to comprehend how our own paradigms were betraying us, we ended up in a sort of fog intellectually.

The solution - do not chide! Be there for the lost liberal. Here are some examples:

Anna's roommate, freshman year at Harvard, hit her, swore at her, and locked her out of their room. Anna complained to the administration, and said she needed to change rooms. The roommate's parents countered that if such a move is made, they will claim racism against black people.

The Harvard administration did nothing. Anna's grades declined, she took the second semester off.

The response in my circle - it was as if lightning had struck, like some incomprehensible event happened and Anna would take a semester off for some strange reason that no one could put their finger on.

Nobody said, "no! This is abuse! Call us racist if you want, we will stand for the truth!"

Nope, everyone was overwhelmed, they fogged out intellectually, with no one realizing that the accusation of racism can at times be one hundred percent false.

Julie was date-raped. Then she blamed "rape culture", but she had voluntarily engaged in sex play with a college student that she had only met that day. He went too far, and she was awake all night staring at the ceiling until the next morning she only realized what had happened. But she could not conclude, "maybe it is better not to engage in sex play with strangers in the first place."

Nope, there was something huge and overwhelming to blame - rape culture.

Liberals fog out when they have a chance to take a stand or take responsibility.

They disappear intellectually. 

The solution - do not chide them, be there for them! They cannot get a perspective on the paradigm they were brainwashed with. Help them out of it, liberal by liberal, just say, "I will help you find a lawyer who will advocate for your daughter", or, "Julie, from now on, no late night parties, no affection until commitment."

It works, I have done it! Because of my encouragement: one woman took a break from promiscuous sex for one semester, two women confronted their boyfriends and said, "time to marry or break up", one woman promised she would not bring her boyfriend home to sleep over for her teenage daughter's sake.

Do not chide, just be there, it really works.

Here is something more people should do: "move in with me during your pregnancy and for a couple of months afterwards, then you can decide if you would like to give up for adoption or keep the baby."

Do not chide, instead, be there for them, because they are lost in an intellectual web and cannot escape all that easily.

Dating - or exploitation?

 Mom was a bit naive, and after dad died, she could not just conjure up abstinent and devoted men to marry her and raise her two small kids.

"Alex criticizes my weight as an excuse not to make a commitment."

Mom actually said that, yet she kept dating him. He owned a yacht, worked in finance, was a Harvard graduate, oh he took mom out to supper and gave her a pair of earrings, they went to Jamaica for a few days and to New York city for a weekend, and in return, she gave him affection and a bit of family time with us, my brother and I were teens by then and he had never married.

But he would bring up her weight - but he was sleeping with her! It did not bother him that much after all.

He died of a sudden heart attack, after a five year relationship, he had not changed his will or bequeathed her anything. So my single mom kept struggling.

Non of her enlightened liberal friends ever said anything like, "should you not make a commitment? Are your finances stable?" Nothing.

Fast forward, I had embraced orthodox Judaism, was married with kids and living a fifteen minute drive away from mom.

She started dating Charlie. I said, "I will not have my children exposed to "granny and her boyfriend"". She was annoyed, but then she started turning to me with the same issues she had with Alex, "He is saying we are spending too much time together, he is becoming critical of me..." I retorted, "you are giving him everything he needs, why should he make a commitment?. She responded, "you know you are right", and within a couple months they were married in a joint Protestant-Catholic wedding. They had it in a hall so I as an orthodox Jew could attend comfortably. It was nice to hear the Lord's Prayer again.

After they were married, Charlie never complained that they were spending too much time together.

Premarital relations are anti-thetical to basic human needs. Lack of commitment makes women feel used and men fearful of commitment. 

But my success in reaching mom was only because I was there for her at her weak moment.

No amount of preaching moved her before that.

The solution - preaching does not work. Be there for people and when the time is right, God will put the right words in your mouth, saving others from misconduct, and even poverty, as marriage makes you more financially stable to boot.